The internet is divided and confused. A white man in a suit has skidded into our lives and we can’t decide if he’s hot or not. Enter The Dare, AKA Harrison Patrick Smith, musician, DJ and producer behind the TikTok viral sound du-jour, Girls. You may also know him as the recipient of Charli XCX’s underwear (“send it to The Dare yeah I think he’s with it”). He produced Guess featuring Billie Eilish and can be seen snogging girls, DJing and driving the tractor in the music video.
Girls, like Guess, is not a very deep song, which is a large part of its appeal. “They say I’m too fuckin’ horny/Wanna put me in a cage/I’d probably fuck the hole in the wall/The guy before made”. It’s an inspired and inspiring lyric. The Dare is not a tortured poet, he’s a top shagger!
Which is why it’s a bit of a surprise to learn that bro looks like this:
At first glance you’re kinda like “huh” but then you look again and you’re like “actually I totally would.” A little bit of you could imagine just thinking you’ll shag him the once but then you get totally obsessed for four to six months even if you never shag again. His face is interesting. He needs a haircut. Who is this pale weedy guy? I must know him! (You also know that in this alternate universe in which he’s not a musician but a random you met at a party, he wouldn’t have any social media, but also would have no strong feelings for or against it).
This shift in affection from the guy that plucks the strings to the man who presses the buttons reflects a wider societal “cool girl” trend: nerds are hot now. These men have risen like cream to the top of the dating pool, and Bisexual femmes are the cats that want to lick that cream. Meow!
And not just like, guys who say they’re nerdy because they’ve watched Lord of the Rings a few times. I mean proper nerds. Ones that are running out of space to store their Magic The Gathering cards and Warhammer 40K figurines (James Cleverly is excluded from this). They’re gamers but with enormous PC towers, not console controllers. They play Baldur’s Gate III, not Call of Duty. They might be vegetarian, but they’ll never make a big deal out of it – they’ll just get chips. They’re vitamin D deficient. You wouldn’t call them “rugged.”
They watch Alt Shift X ‘House Of The Dragon‘ deep dives. They never ever police what you wear or who you talk to because despite being a little socially anxious and introverted, they are very self-assured and secure. They’re very good in bed. They listen to The Rest Is History. They probably don’t like clubbing – they’ll come out occasionally – but generally prefer staying home to read Wikipedia articles about China in the 20th century, “hopping on with the boys for a bit”, or watching YouTube videos teaching you how to make Ancient Roman recipes. (He won’t ever make these dishes, he just likes the videos. He likes cooking Korean food). He can identify many species of bird. This is so sexy to me!!!!!!!!
***DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING THAT THE DARE IS OR ISN’T ANYTHING LIKE THE MAN I JUST DESCRIBED. I’M JUST SAYING THAT HE DOESN’T FIT A CONVENTIONAL WESTERN BEAUTY STANDARD AND THAT’S FINE BECAUSE NERDY LOOKING MEN ARE POPULAR WITH EVERYONE (BUT ESPECIALLY BISEXUAL FEMMES NOW. IT’S A FINE LINE I KNOW BUT JUST STAY WITH IT.***
In defence of “sexually active band geeks”, they have always existed – and the sexually active band girls knew what they were capable of. But what’s changed is how they’re perceived by wider society. I’m not just hoping, but expecting, to see a Bisexual model cavorting around with The Dare this autumn in Deux Moi. He’ll be behind the decks somewhere and she’ll be shaking ass with Charli XCX in the front row. He should get over his hatred of Doc Martens though as that’s biphobic.
“I don’t think he’s fit,” says my friend Jules (also Queer) of The Dare. “But I would still fuck him. I think with faces like that, there’s like a sense of intellectuality or something that comes with it. And I’m just a slut for the unconventional.”
Interestingly, Jules was not the only one of my friends who made this assessment when I threw the question “do you find this man sexy?” to my Instagram followers. My friend Veronica Viper, a very cool dominatrix (also Queer), said: “He’s not hot, but I would fuck him.”
I asked them both what they thought of the phenomenon of nerd men being sexy to Queer women and femmes (they also both admitted to currently dating nerds – Veronica’s likes to fly drones and has toy cars, the one dating Jules is a nerdy music producer.)
“It truly is a phenomenon, like when you know you know,” says Jules. “When you’re Queer, when you’re Bisexual, when you’re Non-binary, however you identify, you’re trying to unlearn certain conventions and patterns.”
I ask what drew her to the music producer. “I saw a certain softness and quirkiness that made me curious when he came across my Hinge. I like people who are nerdy about their craft because it allows you to see where their passions and joys are, in a very intimate way. My pisces heart will always be drawn to sensitive souls. And, coincidentally, the conversation is more intellectual and emotionally communicative than with conventionally attractive men in general.”
“I like Himbo [the name Veronica uses for her boyfriend], because he is a really sweet little guy. He is a friend to children and animals. I think that’s cute and I like that,” the femdom tells me. “I think what we are finding attractive has massively changed. A lot of straight media, and what straight men look at, superheroes and that, are significantly buffer than they were like, five, ten years ago. And there’s this real focus I think in the straight community, in ‘being a real man’ and going super alt-right. And it only makes sense to me that women who are part of Queer spaces, if they are going to date cis men, are not going to date the cis men who are doing that. Nerd guys, softer guys, are more and more attractive to Bisexual women because the idea of masculinity that is forced down our throat is not necessarily something we identify with.”
Veronica touches on a strong point – nerd men, or at the very least weedy blokes like The Dare – are the natural response to Andrew Tate-types being so repellant. Also, The Dare’s suit is better fitted than Andrew Tate’s.
Dani, a social media copywriter, is Non-binary, Queer and has a self-described “nerd kink”. Their partner is also Non-binary, however they assure me that the pair of them “fit the brief” of Bi femme + nerd masc.
“One of my first dates with my partner, they told me about how they were a dungeon master and they’d created their own Dungeons and Dragons world (with lore). I literally swooned,” they tell me. “Another time they said they’d reenacted an entire scene from Star Wars with their friend.”
I ask what attracts them to nerds. “There’s just something very attractive about someone who has passions and interests, especially ones that are somewhat unconventional. I am also massively put off by traditional masculinity. Men who like football or play Fifa… give me a massive ick.”
So if you’re a Bi femme looking for a hot nerd of your own, try the following pick up spots.
- Korean supermarket.
- Your local Magic The Gathering card shop or Warhammer store (Get a precon deck of cute Bloomburrow animal cards.)
- Back room or technical booth of a Boiler Room set.
- Board game cafe.
- Swampy marshes and/or birdwatching centre.
- Discord.
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