Where should Queer people go for sunshine when Mykonos is out of season? When they need to rest and recharge after the excesses of Pride? To breathe deeply under blue skies and away from the fog of vape and cigarette fumes outside The Divine?
Mauritius, a small island in the Indian Ocean, has no laws against homosexuality, and in October 2023 decriminalised “sodomy” for consenting adults of any gender. This makes it one of the most LGBTQ+ friendly countries in Africa to visit. There are no specific Gay clubs, but there is a generally tolerant attitude towards Queerness in the country. For Queers looking to sip margaritas in 28 degrees celsius in December without fearing for their safety, Mauritius holds great allure. The turquoise sea should beckon bougie beach Gays to its shores like a conch.
Here we are in December 2024, where a bitingly cold wind and rain has already swept through London to hail the start of winter, subduing the city into a murky mist of broken grey. London is now the ashtray into which the cigs of Brat summer have been tapped and dumped. So the day after seeing Charli XCX at the O2 in London, I dragged myself to the Plaza Premium lounge in London’s Gatwick and mentally prepared myself for a 12 hour overnight flight to the other side of the world, to try and revive my SAD spirit.
DAY ONE: SUGAR BEACH AND LA PIROGUE
After landing in Mauritius, I was taken straight to the twin resorts of Sugar Beach and La Pirogue, which are next to each other on the west coast and part of the SunLife resort group. The fresh iced tea and cold flannel I was handed on arrival went far to heal both the terrible sleep I’d had on the plane and the remnants of my Charli hangover. Twenty minutes later someone handed me an Aperol Spritz. Balance was restored. Nature was healing.
The west coast is famed for its golden sunsets, which formed the perfect backdrop to the Crazy Croquet “Come Alive” experience (additional activities at SunLife resorts, sometimes for a supplement), during which I had two more Aperols, followed by a sunset movie viewing. Flying foxes, an endemic megabat species native to Mauritius, swooped between trees, while we ate popcorn and churros below.
After a beach BBQ at La Pirogue, only briefly interrupted by a tropical downpour which the live Mauritian band soundtracked with a rendition of Singin’ In The Rain, we drank shit loads of rum and danced on the beach. Then we headed back to our main accommodation for the week, the five star SunLife Long Beach resort.
DAY TWO: LONG BEACH AND ILS AUX CERFS
Long Beach is located on the eastern side of the island, where a comfortable breeze rolls in from the sea and breaks up the rich heat. The resort hugs around a white sand coast which melts like butter underfoot, shaded by coconut trees, facing an ocean the colour of topaz. The sea is actually warm here, a lot hotter than the adults-only infinity pool which overlooks the beach. There’s also a main pool with floating sunbeds, and a fitness pool for doing lengths, outside the gym and sports centre. The rooms are massive (Honeymoon sized!), with bathrooms big enough for a Pilates class. Each room also comes with a large balcony or terraces depending on the floor level. The extensive foliage of the grounds meant that in my third floor suite I could open all the shutters and still take a beautiful bikini selfie, safe in the knowledge no one could watch me and cringe.
Though there are no permanent Gay clubs on the island, there were many other colourful characters I saw representing the rainbow. Birds were everywhere, so prolific as to seem to weave with the fabric of the paths and plants – mostly coconut trees weighed down with fruit, and hibiscus that broke the green with silky bright flowers. The trees were constantly rustling and moving and chirping with wildlife, predominantly the proud and noisy invasive myna bird, and red whiskered bulbuls. On the ground, sparrows and zebra doves hopped delightedly at the breakfast tables looking for the forgotten remains of the pastry chefs’ excellent creations. I also spotted a huge green gecko with red spots (an invasive import from Madagascar, though very cool to look at), little fat *local* geckos, lizards, bees in hives, and, of course, fish. I’m also pretty certain I saw a tropical spider the size of my palm crawl under a paving slab when I was walking back to my room one night. Best not to dwell on that one.
For day two we visited SunLife’s private island of Ils Aux Cerfs, which, we were informed, can host private parties for hundreds of people, for those wishing to emulate Kim Kardashian’s 40th birthday COVID get together. I can truly say this was one of the bougiest experiences of my life. Rolling through the golf course on a buggy to the beach, we were greeted by staff members preparing rum mojitos and chef seasoned fruit slices at 10:30am. The sand was the whitest I saw all week, and the sea the most turquoise ( a very high bar). Starfish which may or may not have been alive kicked around in the tide. Only the mosquito bites I got later that day could remind me that I was indeed in the real world, and not a surreal imitation of paradise, made even more unreal by the unfailing kindness and courtesy of all the staff, and my increasing rum to blood ratio.
Later that day we went to the launch party of SunLife’s new spa and wellness program, GLOW, which offers specialised journeys for different guests’ specific needs. The skin products are sourced from natural remedy company Indika, located in the Ferney nature reserve and using endemic plants from Mauritius.
DAY THREE: SPA LIFE
The bottomless pit of Chandon and cocktails didn’t exactly leave me glowing in the morning, but the full body massage did. To reach the spa, I had to exit the family-friendly vibes of the hotel and go through a bamboo arch walkway and stepping stones to enter the tranquil private corner overlooking the water. I was taken to the changing rooms and shown where to wait with a sweet glass of tea. This was not a place that felt real, nor was it meant to. By this point I really got the sense that Long Beach, and SunLife more generally, was like a simulation of what life would be like if all your problems went away and you could walk into a screen saver while squeezing a stress ball.
DAY FOUR: RIDING AND VIBING
The following day, I headed to the sports centre for the ‘Ride And Vibe’ Come Alive experience, a 1-2 hour electric bicycle ride through the town to a nature reserve. I admitted to my host, Tony, that I was shit scared and a terrible cyclist, which he suitably answered by winding me up further. “We only have one guest die per month on average,” he said. “Also you’ll need some insect repellant because the mosquitos there are ferocious, and they’ll love eating you – fresh meat. Us Mauritians don’t need it though. We drink rum.” (Unfortunately it was actually the mosquitos back at the spa area later that day which would get the biggest fill of my blood). We cycled past fields of produce, pineapples and mangoes. After seeing macaques, more birds, tortoises and tiny shrimp, Tony said: “I’m going to call you Cutie, because you call everything ‘cute’. ‘Oh look, so cute.’ ‘That is so cute,’ he said, imitating my voice. (When I asked if we could do a personal training session, he just replied: “You will cry.”)
DAY FIVE: STIRRING THE POT
For our final Come Alive experience before heading to the airport, we were taken by chef Olivier from the resort’s fine-dining sushi restaurant Hasu to the open air Flacq market, to pick up ingredients for a cooking class. Tables laden high with vegetables of every possible shape and colour sat in endless rows, with almost all the produce grown locally in Mauritius. I didn’t know an aubergine could even come in so many sizes. Strips of pumpkin resembled the shape of a viking boat due to their length. Piles and piles of tomatoes stood taller than my height. Unfortunately, the cooking class itself, though hosted by brilliant, hospitable chefs at Hasu, was more of a demonstration than a participatory tutorial. This did mean the end result was perfection though – four local curries packed with coriander, and topped with a watercress broth.
But the greatest lasting impression of Mauritius, and Long Beach in particular, was one of wholehearted warmth. Here I got a VIP experience without feeling like this was afforded through cold elitism. The incredible beauty and attention to detail made me feel the need to pinch myself to check I wasn’t dreaming. The irony was that for all the escapism I might try and achieve through the internet, nothing could really replace taking a deep breath in salt water. But I did start shaking out my shoes out of fear of crawling spiders.
